There is something I need to confess about this pregnancy: It sucks!!!
All I do is cry. And complain. And cry because I complain. And complain because I can’t stop crying.
On any random afternoon, it’s probable that I’ve either just finished crying or am about to. In summary, my eyes hurt and my husband thinks I’m crazy. The worst part is that most of the time I have no idea what I’m crying about.
I’m just making loud noises while tears pour from my tired eyes.
When we set out to make another poop-machine, I looked forward to being big and round again, and why wouldn’t I?
Being pregnant the first time was amazing!!
When you’re pregnant with your first you have plenty of time to enjoy your new body. You get to catnap when you’re able/want to and get to bask in the spotlight.
You're scared and excited because you don't know what to expect, but mostly you're excited. Your house stays clean after you've cleaned it. You still go out with friends and have sexy date nights with your hubby---enjoying the time you spend getting ready, making sure to shave your legs and apply your makeup, stopping to admire your growing boobs and curvier shape. You have time to do yoga, get prenatal massages, and enjoy that everyone fusses over your comfort.
You actually glow.
Even your husband is so excited about the first baby that he willing gets up in the middle of the night to get whatever crazy craving you have. He caters to your every whim and eagerly listens as you tell him about the changes your body is going through. You secretly spend an unlimited amount of time daydreaming about being the perfect well-dressed mom with the perfect well-mannered child.
The second time isn't so glamorous....
You're exhausted from taking care of the first while preparing for the second. You're scared out of your mind because you still have war-like flashbacks of the round-the-clock feedings, sleepless nights, leaky boobs with cracked nipples, and feeling of helplessness you felt all the time.
It takes a week to clean the house, and usually 10 minutes after finishing you find a clump of dog hair on the floor or a freaking cheerio on the couch... Both of which send you to the edge of a meltdown.
IF... IF!!! a date night is at all possible you spend approximately five minutes to wipe what smells, change into a clean shirt and decide to carry your makeup to the car only to argue about where to go, then rush through dinner because the first-born’s bedtime came faster than you planned. Your body, while beautiful and pregnant, is a little looser and lumpier than before. You intended to exercise, like you did with the first, but all you've done in four and a half months is sit on a yoga ball.
This time, your husband, while still excited to feed another mouth, is tired (and horrified) of your hormones and cravings. Finally, you spend a few moments everyday to be sad over the fact that reality is pushing you further away from the person you [think you] want to be.
In all fairness, some of this may be slightly exaggerated (after all, I am pregnant), but the moral of the story is that I’m sad, and I’m sad about being sad, and I need to learn to not stress over the little things or events that are seven months away and out of my control and realize that everything will be alright. As soon as baby number 2 is born, all of these fears and frustrations will vanish as soon as I hold my new tiny miracle.
Author, Kristin Masson